4/30/15
Been in a weird place in life lately. Graduated college, moved back to NorCal, worked a summer fighting fires, then took after some down time. Traveled to New York for New Years for ten days. Moved back down to Socal to go back to school for my teaching credential. Had a lot of down time. Did not know what I wanted with life. I knew I wanted to teach. I knew I wanted to get my credential. But all the complacency was something that I was not used to. I was not stressed for the first time in my life. I had time, money, freedom. I graduated college, which was a huge accomplishment for me. Being that I came from a family that did not hold a high priority for education. I was the first member of my family to graduate college. For me, I had made it. I was finally an independent, semi accomplished, strong willed adult. There is just so much influence from people and society about where and what I should be doing with my life. That always killed me though. If I lived life the way that others and society deemed as right, would I truly be happy. Shouldn't I just follow my heart,desires, and passion??? Not be so concerned about finding a a good job, getting a wife, buying a house, and having kids. I want to do that all one day. Absolutely. I want to fall head over heals in love with the most amazing woman I have ever laid my eyes on and spend the rest of our lives filling her life with love, joy, and comfort. But I want to be selfish right now and live out all of my passions and desires at my young age while I can. I want to see what life has to offer. I want to see what the world has to offer. What my opportunities are. I want to see the beauty, love, chaos, diversity that the world has to offer. I want to grow. I want to experience new things, people, cultures, music, food, clothes, ways of life. I want to go out and know that I have experienced life and know that I have no reservations, regrets, or questions. I want to have an understanding of the world and the people in it. I want to be well cultured, in the sense of the world. I want to understand people and love them for what and who they are. I want to see all the beautiful sights and beautiful people of the world. I also want to see the bad and ugly. I want to see the world for what it is. Through my own eyes. For most people, traveling is a distant dream. It's something they regret never doing. For me, it is going to be a lifestyle. Something that is a big part of my life and who I am. It might not be the typical life style or practical or normal, but those aren't things that I want to describe my life anyways. So for me, it is perfect. I feel like a new person just thinking about getting up and leaving. I have a new fire in me. I have a passion that I felt like was gone for so long. I feel like I have a purpose. I am driven. I feel love in my heart. I don't want this feeling to fade. I am going to feed this desire and live my life with raw, unrelenting, full fledged passion.
